"IF"

   “IF” is a very dangerous word. If and only if. If I only did what I knew in my heart that I was supposed to do then maybe. . . just maybe. . If I'd only. . .

             I live by my youth. I live by my memories. Every night I'm haunted by those beautiful dreams. Everyday I speak of the past. I can't help it. I'm at the end of the race but I'm still looking back at the starting line. Still looking back at her. My treasure. My precious. If only I had the wisdom to realize that what I felt was real, if only I had the courage to seize what I know I had in my heart and soul then maybe I wouldn't have wasted my youth, wouldn't have to enter this realm of blasphemy.                      

  If and only if. As I've said a powerful word that leaves me hanging, wondering what could have been and what might have been.

              I visit my past. The silhouette of the sunset. If I had my stand, then my “if” would no longer be haunting. But I sit here, everyday, in this beach, where I will meet my end with my tears and haunts of “if”.