I’m Sorry.

--- Today, my friends decided to watch a horror film AND a film about the mentally ill. When I asked “Can you please, after the clip, not describe what you saw?”

---They tell me: You’re overreacting.

Dear friends,

            I know that at times my fears may be considered as an overreaction to you. And I’m so sorry about that. The truth is, I don’t know what to do about it. All I can say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m afraid of dolls and their eyes. I’m sorry I’m afraid of people who are mentally ill. I’m sorry I’m afraid of being alone. I’m sorry I’m afraid of the dark. I’m sorry I’m not as strong as you. I’m sorry I’m not as tough and brave. I’m deeply sorry for that.

            You see, the thing is, I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to face them. As much as I try to face them, I’m afraid that I might collapse again, and this time, my father won’t be there to take me. You don’t know what it’s like to live in a place where you always have to be careful, where you always have to be prim and proper, to always be sensitive of others. I guess, because of that, I grew up to be a weak one. To be so dependent.

            I’m scared of those things because I had my fare share of experiences, and somehow, thank GOD I forgot why. That’s why I can’t explain why I’m afraid of them. All I know is that when I’m on the verge of a situation to face all my fears, I breakdown, and cry, and somehow I can’t breathe. Again, maybe, another overreaction to you.

            I counted on all of you, to respect my fears and to never dwell on them, or to never toy with them. I counted on you to use your arms and block my sight when a picture forms. I counted on you to stop people who toy with my feelings. But I guess, I was very much just assuming  that you would.

            It hurts to be told that you’re over reacting about all of this. And deep inside, I cry when they laugh at what I fear. It hurts. Soooo much. It hurts because not only am I irrevocably afraid of all it, I can’t do a damn thing about it. It’s a phobia. And you should never play with that.

FACE YOUR FEARS! – they all say. I would. But there’s a fine line between “I won’t” and  “I can’t”.

            Do you think I like to be afraid? Do you think I pray to be such a coward? Do you honestly think I don’t envy the times when you all just jam and watch a horror film, while I’m at the corner just trying to make myself busy?? I hate it. Of course, I hate it!

            I’m sorry I can’t be brave enough like all of you. All I ask is that you won’t ever tamper with what I feel. Because honestly, I’m already scared, I’m scared. And I thought I would be safe, because you’re all there.

Tsk tsk. Guess I was wrong.

Internal Debate

Yesterday, I decided to write the poem I was tasked to do.

Unfortunately, my heart wanted to write ANYTHING but my assigned topic.

My mind desperately wanted to me to write the topic that I am supposed to do.

In the end, what won, was my eyes.

When my heart felt like writing and when my mind willed me to write about something, my eyes decided it was time to sleep.

My heart argued, because it had so many emotions inside ready to be expressed.

My mind was absolutely worried about my lack of importance of time.

But as I said, when my eyes said it's time to sleep, both couldn't do anything but follow. HAHA:D

When you're . . .

When you're bored, 

You want fun.

You already have something to do,

But you want something that'll make you jump.

When you're feeling lazy,

You never want to move.

You always seem to be sleepy,

Even though you have lots of things to do.

When you're happy,

You feel so alive!

You do everything with glee,

You seem to be shining so brightly.

When you're sad,

You feel like you're inside a bubble.

Isolated by everybody else,

Count on no one but yourself.

When you're in love,

You search for signs above.

You always seem to be smiling,

Believe, when someone tells you your blooming.

When you're heart broken,

You feel like it's the end of the world.

Feeling like nobody will ever love you again,

You tell yourself "what a petty little girl!"

When you've won,

You feel like you're on top.

You want another competition,

To prove that you have never fallen.

When you've loss,

You feel so deprived.

Everything that you've strive,

Feel's like it was just tossed and set aside.

Series of Emotions

Whatever you feel, whatever you struggle,
It's just the tug-of-life, no need to buggle.
You set all your emotions, because you want to express,
Whatever you're feeling, no matter happy or distress.

What happen's in our life,
Depends on how we strive.
The constant shrills and thrills,
Add's a little twinge of spice.

But don't worry, it'll pass,
You just don't know when.
Always keep in mind that the past is past,
And that all things come to an end.

So take whatever you're feeling,
And express it to the world.
No matter happy or sad,
It count's to every word.